No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Leakproof Seals ... Will
Self Starters ...Will Not
Interchangeable Parts ...Won't
There Is Always One More Bug
Nature Is A Mother
Don't mess With Murphy!
90% Of Everything Is Crud
If You're Feeling Good, Don't Worry, You'll Get Over It
All Warranties Expire Upon Payment Of Invoice
Where You Stand On An Issue Depends On Where You Sit
Never Eat Prunes When You Are Famished
Friends Come and Go, But Enemies Accumulate
If You Try To Please Everybody, Nobody Will Like It
A Short Cut Is The Longest Distance Between Two Points
You Will Always Find Something In The Last Place You Look
Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong
Every Solution Breeds New Problems
An Ounce Of Image Is Worth A Pound Of Performance
Never Argue With An Artist
You Will Remember That You Forgot To Take Out The Trash When The Garbage
Truck Is Two Doors Away
The Race Is Not Always To The Swift Nor The Battle To The Strong,
But That's
The Way To Bet
There's Never Time To Do It Right, But There's Always Time To Do It Over
Anything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral Or Fattening
It Is Morally Wrong to Allow Suckers To Keep Their Money
Everything East Of The San Andreas Fault Will Eventually Plunge Into The
Atlantic Ocean
Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw
A Bird In Hand Is Safer Than One Overhead
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Headlamp Of An Oncoming Train
Celibacy Is Not Hereditary
Never Sleep With Anyone Crazier Than Yourself
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever Has The Gold Makes The Rules
Beauty Is Only Skin Deep; Ugly Goes To The Bone
To Know Yourself Is The Ultimate Form Of Aggression
The Chance Of A Piece Of Bread Falling With The Buttered Side Down Is Directly
Proportional To The Cost Of The Carpet
No Matter How Long You Shop For An Item, After You Bought It, It Will Be
On Sale Cheaper
No One's Life, Liberty, Or Property Are Safe While The Legislature Is In
Session
Anything You Try To Fix Will Take Longer And Cost More Than You Thought
The Other Line Always Moves Faster
If You Fool Around With A Thing For Very Long You Will Screw It Up
A $3,000 Picture Tube Will Will Protect A 10 cent Fuse By Blowing First
You Can't Be Too Rich, Or Too Thin
If It Jams-Force It; If It Breaks, It Needed Replacing Anyway
Nothing Is Impossible For The Man Who Doesn't Have To Do It
Any Tool Dropped While Repairing A Car Will Roll Underneath To The Exact
Center
The Repairman Will Never Have Seen A Model Quite Like Yours Before
When A Broken Appliance Is Demonstrated For The Repairman, It Will Work
Perfectly
A Pipe Gives A Wise Man Time To Think And A Fool Something To Stick In
His Mouth
Never Play Leapfrog With A Unicorn
Everybody Should Believe In Something; I Believe I'll Have Another Drink
Build A System That Even A Fool Can Use, And Only A Fool Will Use It
A Smith & Wesson Beats Four Aces
Everyone Has A Scheme For Getting Rich That Will Not Work
In Case Of Doubt, Make It Sound Convincing
In Any Hierarchy, Each Individual Rises To His Own Level Of Incompetence
And Then Remains There
If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Obviously Don't Know What The
Hell Is Going On
If More Than One Person Is Responsible For A Miscalculation, No One
Will Be At Fault
Never Argue With A Fool, People Might Not Know The Difference
A Penny Saved Is Not Worth Very Much
Nothing Is As Easy As It Looks
Every Job Will Take Twice As Long As You Expect And Will Be Half As Lucrative
Living Well Is The Best Revenge
Never Eat Yellow Snow
The Chance of Seeing Someone Who Knows You Dramatically Increase When You
Do Not Want To Be Seen.
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