Leakproof Seals ... Will

Self Starters ...Will Not 

Interchangeable Parts ...Won't

There Is Always One More Bug 

Nature Is A Mother

Don't mess With Murphy! 

90% Of Everything Is Crud

If You're Feeling Good, Don't Worry, You'll Get Over It

All Warranties Expire Upon Payment Of Invoice

Where You Stand On An Issue Depends On Where You Sit 

Never Eat Prunes When You Are Famished

Friends Come and Go, But Enemies Accumulate 

If You Try To Please Everybody, Nobody Will Like It

A Short Cut Is The Longest Distance Between Two Points 

  You Will Always Find Something In The Last Place You Look

Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong 

Every Solution Breeds New Problems 

An Ounce Of Image Is Worth A Pound Of Performance

Never Argue With An Artist 

You Will Remember That You Forgot To Take Out The Trash When The Garbage Truck Is Two Doors Away 

The Race Is Not Always To The Swift Nor The Battle To The  Strong, 
But That's The Way To Bet 

There's Never Time To Do It Right, But There's Always Time To Do It Over 

Anything Good In Life Is Either Illegal, Immoral Or Fattening

It Is Morally Wrong to Allow Suckers To Keep Their Money 

Everything East Of The San Andreas Fault Will Eventually Plunge Into The Atlantic Ocean

Nature Always Sides With The Hidden Flaw 

A Bird In Hand Is Safer Than One Overhead 

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is The Headlamp Of An Oncoming Train

Celibacy Is Not Hereditary 

Never Sleep With Anyone Crazier Than Yourself 

Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever Has The Gold Makes The Rules

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep; Ugly Goes To The Bone

To Know Yourself Is The Ultimate Form Of Aggression  

The Chance Of A Piece Of Bread Falling With The Buttered Side Down Is Directly Proportional To The Cost Of The Carpet

No Matter How Long You Shop For An Item, After You Bought It, It Will Be On Sale Cheaper 

No One's Life, Liberty, Or Property Are Safe While The Legislature Is In Session

Anything You Try To Fix Will Take Longer And Cost More Than You Thought

The Other Line Always Moves Faster 

If You Fool Around  With A Thing For Very Long You Will Screw It Up 

A $3,000 Picture Tube Will Will Protect A 10 cent Fuse By Blowing First

You Can't Be Too Rich, Or Too Thin 

If It Jams-Force It; If It Breaks, It Needed Replacing Anyway

Nothing Is Impossible For The Man Who Doesn't Have To Do It

Any Tool Dropped While Repairing A Car Will Roll Underneath To The Exact Center

The Repairman Will Never Have Seen A Model Quite Like Yours Before

When A Broken Appliance Is Demonstrated For The Repairman, It Will Work Perfectly 

A Pipe Gives A Wise Man Time To Think And A Fool Something To Stick In His Mouth

Never Play Leapfrog With A Unicorn 

Everybody Should Believe In Something; I Believe I'll Have Another Drink

Build A System That Even A Fool Can Use, And Only A Fool Will Use It

  A Smith & Wesson Beats Four Aces 

Everyone Has A Scheme For Getting Rich That Will Not Work

In Case Of Doubt, Make It Sound Convincing

  In Any Hierarchy, Each Individual Rises To His Own Level Of Incompetence And Then Remains There 

If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Obviously Don't Know What The Hell Is Going On

If More Than One Person  Is Responsible For A Miscalculation, No One Will Be At Fault 

Never Argue With A Fool, People Might Not Know The Difference

A Penny Saved Is Not Worth Very Much 

Nothing Is As Easy As It Looks

Every Job Will Take Twice As Long As You Expect And Will Be Half As Lucrative 

Living Well Is The Best Revenge

Never Eat Yellow Snow

The Chance of Seeing Someone Who Knows You Dramatically Increase When You Do Not Want To Be Seen.